It has to be me....right??

Irdk what this is for other than a place that no one is really on anymore and I just really need to vent. Wanna know what I really wanna know??? How to just be content. My life has always consisted of school and a job or two or three, so now that I just have one and no school, I find myself with a lot of time spent trying to figure out what to do? I feel like I have made friends with one of the most judemental and narcissistic people ever and I've finally become tired of it. So I simply fell off the grid of communication. It hurts to lose the friendship, but not all things can be. I have a really supportive guy in my life who makes me laugh and is just there in a way no other man has ever been. I just want ONE close female friend. Guess I'll just keep wishing when I see a falling star..

Its always interesting to come back months later and see all the things I wrote the trials I've overcome and laugh at how my life has changed.

Friendships

When I was in high school all I wanted was a circle of girlfriends that I could share all my secrets with, that I could spend all my time with we would be inseparable. Just like all the other clicks I saw growing up, but what's perfect on the outside is never perfect on the inside. I have had close friends come and go in my life some moving away and some because of really bad reasons like sleeping with guys I've slept with (smh still don't get that) but now I don't have one close friend to my name I no longer know how to open my self up to getting hurt. Can you be your own best friend and that be healthy?

You wanna explain this?

So today was monday and it was awful! 7 people on the floor plus the bartender how is anyone gonna make any money? As a person with a job that isn't a server why does that make you feel you can treat us (servers) like your maids? You throw me attitude I'mma throw yo ass some back!
But ne ways mondays SUCK!

Can I get....

So as a waitress at a well known restaurant I decided what better way to get rid of all the crazy stuff that happens than to write about it so here goes:

So we recently had new coupons go out for people to get a better deal when they eat at RT but I swear I've never hated anything more! When a check is $ 60 and the coupon makes it $ 40 why would you tip less? Did I do $40 worth of work? Uh NO! so WTF? I smile and answer your questions, laugh at your dumb ass jokes and you run me like a house maid and expect me to read your mind and tip me crap so why do you feel I deserve less? On top of everything else I had one lady had the nerve to tell me " I didn't want lemon so can you take this cup back and bring me a new water and don't go back there and take it out and bring me the same one" HOLD UP lady the lemon was on the side of the cup I wanted to take it off at the table and smile brightly and say there you go! But I also wanted to take the lemon dunk it in the cup and say DRINK THAT SHIT! We were really busy tonight and I am thankful for that but why must people be so mean when they go out to eat I know I don't deserve to be treated meanly just because you had a bad day and if you think I'm going to stand there and take it you're so wrong. Don't people learn anything? You never mess with the person who handles your food!

In this crazy world.

A man who can wear the mask and play the part so well that when he takes the mask off you are taken completely by surprise and rejoice in the fact that it was done so well. But when it's everyone in my life I'm not rejoicing. I'm actually very mad. As a very independent woman I pride myself on watching who I let into my life but it seems that everyone that I did was wearing a mask and playing their role so well that it seems as if the CUT has been called and everyone is taking their masks off and I'm the one with the dunce cap on, ain't that some bull.

So if I feel like you're not playing the part that you once were you will be let go I have no qualms in releasing you from my life with out explanation. My life is falling in shambles because no one has the balls to be themselves with out a mask. So Fu** it I'm done.

What it's boiling down to.

So a giant leap forward and a a uncanny fallback and I'm back where I started. Jokes on me huh? Nah not at all. Live and learn right? RITE!! So this school year is almost over THANK HIM WHO SITS ON HIGH! I'm so tired of this damn school and most of the people in it. I didn't come here to vent but thats what it's starting to look like so I'll get back to what I came here for. I've recently decided that the quote "If you let something go and it comes back it's meant to be yours" is so untrue. No it was taken away the first time for a reason so why would you want it back that must mean something better is out there right? So I'm going to start embracing life more I think(not sure what I'm about to get myself into). This spring fever might just be melting my brain.

I'm going to take a trip this summer in my lilbit =) (the aveo for those who don't know) to the beach where the men are halfnaked, the sun shines hot, and the water is warm. Can't wait. The hunt is on for the perfect bikini YES!! Got the tummy pierced for a reason =) Any suggestions?

On a different note: I'm 21 now and older men still give me the creeps my mom tried to set me up with one showing my picture on her phone to them and such SO WIERD! But I've decided I've given up on men for right now. HOLD UP.. not saying I'm going to the other side just focusing on having fun is all.

Well n-e-who summer's coming who knows whats in store?